Do you sacrifice your inner compass to fit in?

And yet, does the latest news about Gaza leave a stitch in your heart, or do you relate to the sign at the fence of the Russian embassy in Vienna saying, “I’m Russian and against the war”? (According to what Guardian Austrian soldiers discussed last night, those signs and flowers get pulled down regularly by masked men).

How is this tremendous political view of the world of concern to you and me and psychotherapy? I don’t even want to go into the impact of societal circumstances on personal development, as that may be more obvious. I prefer to be very personal and ask, “How do the world’s conflicts you and your family went through impact your very personal way of operating in the world?”

I feel like it’s a sad topic I’m navigating today, but it comes down to one question: “How are we navigating trauma?” Eventually, there’s no difference between collective and individual trauma because, down to earth, personal lives are impacted by what happens in the collective.

Where are you from, and – how many places?

A friend from London once told me that she hated it when people asked, “Where do you come from?” as the first question before any other concerns. I don’t remember what my first question could have been, but it was probably What’s your favourite toy, and she would have said, “Cars”. That’s why she became an engineer, responsible for the crazy London traffic. And yet, we’re struggling with relationships because her parents emigrated from Iran, and social life works slightly differently in Teheran than it does in London.  And even though she’s spent all her life in London, her parents have different values from those of English parents. For better or worse, people notice that she comes from a different place and keep smashing it into her face, whether she likes it.

Although she does complain, my crazy therapeutic view is always, “Thank God there’s a complaint rather than silence.” That’s where it gets tricky.

How conflicts between cultures can turn into disputes within us

I have no stunning news for you: neighbouring countries sometimes have conflicts. Yeah, sure, not neighbouring countries as well. However, the likelihood that people cross borders is much bigger and the closer the countries are. And for better or worse, there are hardly any borders where people have been living peacefully side by side for generations. Would you like me to start naming some? There’s not just Israel and Palestine, Ukraine and Russia, France and Germany, Slovenia and Austria, Ireland and England… you name it. What all of them have in common is that neighbours have been forced to take sides.

A general rule to resolve conflicts is that people should work out their interests individually without involving further groups. Sadly, that’s hardly possible when nations and cultures are involved. Usually, there are not just large groups of people and communities but also their histories and, most often, traditions and religious heritage taking part in the conflicts. This appears like a massive mess– most likely overwhelming and hopeless.

One solution to deal with this massive pain and distortion going along with wars and occupation is to adapt to hierarchies, neglect, and suppress the other half. That’s true for nations as well as for individuals.

There’s another place to think about politics and world history—I’d rather stay with individuals. Growing up close to the French border, we know that the older generation speaks French and German, which are inseparably intertwined.  Thanks to the EU, villages like Wissembourg at the border are grown back together, and people can live in their place regardless of the border.  That’s the very holistic nature, and it hurts to suppress half of your life and culture due to outside enforcement. Repressing causes pain and is an act of violence – not just on the outside but also within the person. It takes energy and effort to shut them up, and besides that, it numbs our inner guidance system like a halfway sunken ship. That’s the price we pay to fit in and live as peacefully in troubled places as possible.

How do we find deeper connections and our inner guidance?

Our cultural heritage is linked to our soul, and we can’t just give up on parts because that means giving up on our greatness. It means our authentic self is bent, and we lose our inner confidence and discernment capacity.  Do you relate to the feeling of having lost the way? I don’t mean with Google Maps in your pocket and the next person around the corner. I rather mean a sense of “I don’t know where I’m going because I may have lost myself”. It’s a very genuine loss of control and can feel quite threatening without people around whom you can trust to help you find yourself without manipulation. It’s a genuine loss of our centre and roots in the world. As so many of us were forced to this sacrifice, returning to our roots and the whole heart of our humanity is this heroic journey.

When we do it, we better understand ourselves, which helps us feel more secure navigating the world’s challenges and dramatically improves our capacity for discrimination.

Finally, we can hear our intuition, which creates a deep sense of connectedness and allows us to love genuinely and fearlessly. Our search for roots serves our personal lives, gives the world a chance to connect, and shows us where our heart lives.

Conclusion

In conclusion, navigating the conflicts between cultural heritage and fitting into societal norms is not merely a personal struggle but a reflection of collective turmoil ingrained in the fabric of our world. As individuals, we often find ourselves torn between the pressures of conformity and the yearning to honour our roots. The intergenerational trauma stemming from historical conflicts further complicates this internal battle.

Yet, amidst the chaos, there lies a profound opportunity for self-discovery and reconnection. By embracing our cultural heritage and reclaiming our authentic selves, we find solace in our identities and cultivate a deeper understanding of the world around us. This journey, though daunting, is inherently transformative, empowering us to navigate life's challenges with clarity and compassion.

Ultimately, we pave the way for genuine connection and fearless love by listening to our inner voices and honouring our roots. Our search for identity enriches at least our personal lives and may even contribute to a more interconnected world. So let us embark on this heroic journey of self-discovery, for in finding ourselves, we discover the true essence of our humanity.

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