How do I know if you're the right counselor for me?

1. I'm really into relationships

That may sound as well huge as too specific. It includes having troubles with your partner, but more often than not it’s about having troubles with relationships without having a specific partner. Often, my client’s general goal is creating or attracting more fulfilling relationships. Usually, they come after a breakup or while being frustrated with their dating experiences. It’s more about “repairing, re-tuning and recreating” the control board of relationship-settings.
Many clients feel like they can’t find the right partner, or they are not capable of sustaining healthy relationships. It’s also common to feel “fundamentally unlovable” (like Raj https://www.instagram.com/p/Cq3SvlOMyRm/) and creating close relationships appears like mission impossible. As you may sense, you are in the right place if you have read thousands of self-help books with dating advice and feel pretty desperate.

So, within this area of relationship counseling, I have some experience handling and healing pretty bad relational experiences in childhood. They are generally called childhood- or attachment trauma, but many times they have not been diagnosed as such. Maybe you experience numbness or feeling overall lonely, depressed and sad… or maybe your emotions explode at times.
Some of your behavior or experiences may cause you to feel ashamed and you can hardly imagine another person relating. In this case, it’s really a good time to see a counselor instead of hiding and suffering by yourself. The latter one increases loneliness and pain.
So, no matter how hopeless and lonely you may feel – the perspective with counseling is a whole lot different and pretty helpful in this case.

You may have noticed that my interest in relationship issues is grounded in an understanding of loneliness. My expectations may therefore be more hopeful than you can imagine at the moment. So, especially if you feel desperate, it’s worth checking in with me.

2.    My counseling approach

I have been deeply interested in relationship issues for a long time. Coming from Germany, I tried CBT and psychoanalytic psychotherapy before I committed to studying and working in the person-centered approach.
I trust and believe in Carl Roger’s counseling tradition because it felt most obvious to me that the relationships are strong enough to injure us deeply and question our trust in humans, but also have the incredible power to heal our inner wounds. So, in our approach, it’s all about creating a healing relationship by being genuine, understanding the client’s inner world and accepting their experiences unconditionally.
During the counseling process, we keep creating and deepening this healing relationship. And like in life outside the counseling room - relationships are hard, and we may have to clarify and repair. That’s perfectly normal and usually deepens and stabilizes the relationship as much as it brings “real life-conflicts” directly into the counseling room.
Although the counseling relationship is very specific and the topics, we talk about are mostly related to the inner world, feelings and experiences - the general nature and dynamics within the counseling room are pretty similar to relationships in the outside world. Therefore, the counselling relationship can also be seen as a safe harbor from where you go out to explore the world in between the sessions.

Beside counseling, I’m also trained in relationship coaching in a Gestalt-therapeutical approach. This can be helpful for smaller construction areas. Nevertheless, I’m always happy to provide you with some tools to tackle tricky situations if that appears useful.
Generally, I’m a pretty hands-on person and believe that life is hard enough, so use whatever works for you – and underlying little tricks I have a deeply rooted belief in and solid experience of the helpful relationship Carl Rogers described. 

3.    Myself and The Big Bang Theory

As you may have noticed, there isn’t any blog nor post I haven’t referred to TBBT. That’s simply because I love them. Not just because I value the light-hearted way, they access pretty serious topics. 
I’m not sure if you ever paid attention to all the mental diseases they come up with?
There’s Raj’s selective mutism and social anxiety,
Leonard’s self-esteem issues and difficulties taking decisions and for sure, with
Sheldon we don’t run short on diagnoses: OCD, Phobia, anxiety with panic attacks and certainly some kind of personality disorder with elements of cluster A (distrustful and suspicious). 
But see, we love them and despite Amy's ambitions to retrain or rather rewire Sheldon, it’s about their love for each other – more than about diagnoses.

I hope you watched the very last moments of TBBT – at least I can’t stop revisiting Sheldon’s acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize, where he honors his family and friends more than anyone would have ever expected. 
I love their journey from really struggling with the consequences of mental health issues to having amazing relationships.

Unfortunately, the characters of TBBT wouldn't watch their series. Neither do most of my client’s.
So, no matter if you love TBBT – or you don’t: If you’re struggling with relationships, emotions and yourself at times but really dream of fulfilling relationships, I guess it’s worth reaching out to me.

If you relate to all I wrote – I may indeed be the right counselor for you. If you are questioning or wondering, I’d love to hear your considerations. Please drop me an Email