6 Practical Tips for Supplementing your therapy sessions with self-work
How to resource yourself and reflect on your process
Therapy is a valuable tool for personal growth and healing, but it doesn't have to be limited to the confines of your weekly sessions. Giving yourself permission to step back and take a break from actively working on your issues can be just as beneficial as the work itself.
Yet, sometimes it can be relieving to review a topic or elaborate on an experience that came up during the session.
So, I will give you 6 ways to support your self-exploration process in between sessions.
Examples of “homework” to improve your therapy process
1. Take your time and allow yourself not to be productive
You know that it’s great you have the capacity and engagement to expand your work outside the therapy session. I want to celebrate you for your ambition here and come along to make it easier. And as I can see how ambitious you are I also want to call you out on the downside: not working, not even for therapy, is an excellent way to give your subconscious mind some space to organize itself. And actually, that’s what it does best: work secretly while you’re either sleeping or relaxing. So, the question is: how can you allow your mind the space to do it’s work without disruption?
No wonder there’s a famous meditation App called “Headspace”. Not only that, but you can also find ways to provide yourself with headspace. And as that’s probably not the most common task for you – otherwise you would hardly read this blog – there’s something that generally exists: doing nothing and feeling bored. It doesn’t hurt and more often than not those “useless” days are the hour of birth for great ideas.
Besides doing “nothing” there is another amazing way of not being productive. It’s called having fun and enjoying yourself. Believe it or not, there are some activities solemnly created for having fun. There’s not a one-size-fits-all fit but there are activities for each and every one they enjoy. Maybe it’s having a ride on the Ferris wheel, blowing soap bubbles, or collecting chestnuts. It’s not by chance that I am mentioning activities that are usually attributed to children. Guess what – it’s usually our inner children that we neglect and forget to take care of.
See, therapy is hard work. In one way or the other, we keep digging into traumatic experiences. So, the better you resource yourself and lift your spirits, the deeper we can dive into your struggles.
2. Journal
At times you may not feel like “doing” anything at all or there’s a large muddle going on in your mind that you’d prefer to tidy up. So then, journaling might be helpful. It’s a pretty multipurpose tool and can work wonders for your mental well-being.
I often suggest it to my clients because it offers many benefits:
1️⃣. Letting go of overthinking: Journaling helps you release those never-ending thought loops.
2️⃣. Securing your thoughts as they are: Your journal is a safe space for your raw, unfiltered thoughts.
3️⃣. Reprocessing a situation or the past day: It's like a mental reset button.
4️⃣. Accessing thoughts on the edge of awareness: Those brilliant ideas or long-forgotten memories may arise during the process like out of a dream.
5️⃣. Letting your thoughts flow: No judgment, just free expression.
6️⃣. Enjoying the physical process of handwriting: A soothing, tactile experience.
Now, I get it, not everyone finds it easy to start journaling.
Two common challenges:
1️. Making time: Just 15 minutes a day is enough. Habits take time, so don't give up. You'll find your rhythm.
2️. Self-criticism: Remember, this is for you, not an audience. To help you get into the flow, try these tips:
- Don't use punctuation.
- Write with your non-dominant hand.
- Don't lift the pen between words.
- Mix in any languages that come to mind.
- Dump it afterward so there’re no worries about keeping it safe – neither from noisy family members nor your inner critic
It's about unburdening your mind, not performing. Will you give it a try?
Are you curious about me? I have kept up this habit for as long as I can think. First thing in the morning, even before walking the dog.
3. Meditate
Are you meditating or still looking for “the right way”? There’s so very much research out there about the benefits of meditation and mindfulness for mental health that I want to keep it very hands-on. I don’t see any way around it. A professor of mine used to compare meditation with brushing teeth for the brain. This image stuck with me. So, I most highly recommend you find your way of meditating. See, there’s no secret to it. As always, done is better than perfect. And you can swap the way as often as you swap your toothbrush, or more often. There are plenty of assisting tools out there and I wrote about the benefits of meditation for your high-stake relationship conflicts before. Please choose whatever approach you prefer. What matters is to spend every day a few minutes connecting with yourself cleaning your mind.
It's like a daily date with yourself, a chance to hit pause in our hectic lives and tune into the whispers of our inner world. Through regular meditation, you'll not only reduce stress and anxiety but also develop a profound sense of self-awareness. It's like having a trusted friend by your side (your inner mentor) who helps you navigate the storms of life. When those challenging moments hit, you'll find yourself better equipped to respond with grace and resilience. So, take just a few minutes each day to sit in stillness, breathe deeply, and let your thoughts flow. In this practice, you'll uncover a treasure trove of strength and clarity, that improves and can accelerate your journey towards healing and personal growth.
4. Gratitude
A specific and very important version of mindfulness is gratitude exercises. I do want to point that out because our minds can be slightly tricky. Originally it was designed to keep us safe rather than enjoying life. For this purpose, our brain is five times more aware of danger and negative experiences than good ones. As we’re living pretty safely these days (I can assume that as you’re able to go to therapy) we don’t need that much caution. So, we can support balancing our mind's focus of interest by pointing to our good occasions. Therefore, many people are writing down e.g., three situations they are grateful for during the day, keeping reminders to look out for good experiences, or filling in gratitude Apps daily. It’s a small task and additionally, your relationships can benefit as well if you train yourself to notice your partner's qualities and efforts.
5. Connect with friends about your issues
Connect with friends and share your topics. Good relationships are so important in certain areas but still highly underrated that I can’t mention it often enough. It’s the quality of relationships, not health nutrition, or work success that determines the quality of life over the long run (check out the "Harvard Study of Adult Development". This study has been ongoing for over 80 years and has examined the lives of hundreds of men to understand the factors that contribute to a long and happy life, including the impact of relationships. The study has produced a wealth of insights on the importance of social connections, relationships, and well-being.)
So, the quality of the relationship matters and it depends on creating an emotional connection. Therefore, I recommend (and finding a supportive environment and creating safe places like home is always one of our goals in therapy) that you start sharing the important topics, experiences, and thoughts you discover throughout therapy and see where they are welcome and fall onto a fruitful place.
Although it’s been a lifetime for me, therapy usually comes to an end at some point, and beyond all the benefits on the way it matters to have established secure functioning relationships and safe communities to nourish yourself and keep developing yourself.
As therapy is a long and winding road usually relationships shift on the way; we lose some and gain new ones. Therefore, I do expect that not everything you share always lands well. That’s where we have to be brave and that’s why therapy takes time. No matter if you get a little lost on the way, you’ll come back within a week and we’ll figure out how you get back on track. The thing is, without taking the risk of connecting with people there’s no chance they can connect with you. So, sooner or later, I highly recommend taking the risk of deepening your connections.
6. Reading
From being all out in relationships we come back to ourselves – and an author. There’s a limited time in therapy and I belong to the kind of people who want to know exactly what’s going on. Do you relate? Well, in this case, it can be helpful to check out some literature or content about your topic. There are plenty of people who have written down their thoughts. You may want to ask your therapist for recommendations so that you can make sure you have common ground in the theoretical background. Or maybe that’s not necessary at all. Many of my clients bring their books or tell me what they’ve read about. So, no matter which way round – books can be great opportunities to widen or deepen your perspective.
But please be aware. Especially for those of you who love to live in your private library – reading is calming and soothes the nervous system, that’s why it can also turn into a way to avoid emotional connections.
As always “What is there that is not poison? All things are poison and nothing is without poison; only the dose makes a thing, not a poison” (Paracelsus)
So, if you’re a bookworm by nature, it’s better to take a break and go back to the points above.
Done is better than perfect: get started
In your journey of self-discovery and empowerment within the therapeutic process, you're not alone. I commend your ambition for personal growth, and I'm here to support your endeavors every step of the way. Therapy is a powerful tool, and its benefits can extend beyond your weekly sessions. That’s why I put out a few ideas on how to support your process of self-discovery and self-experience in between sessions.
Remember, taking a break and giving your mind some space can be just as valuable as active work. Embracing moments of non-productivity, allowing your subconscious to work its magic, and having fun are ways to recharge and find inspiration.
Journaling, meditation, and practicing gratitude can clear your mind increase self-awareness, and help improve not only your well-being but also your relationships.
Sharing your thoughts and experiences with friends can strengthen your social connections, which play a vital role in long-term life satisfaction. Building emotional connections and safe communities is a goal in therapy, and sharing your journey with friends can create a supportive environment.
Lastly, reading about your topic can be a valuable resource to deepen your understanding and broaden your perspective. It's a way to take control of your personal growth, but be mindful not to use it as a way to avoid emotional connections.
In this therapeutic journey, the space between sessions is where you can enhance your self-exploration and empowerment.
Please share this blog if it is helpful for you.
