What's the point of sadness?

Additionally, it's this time of year when not only do leaves get colored, but they also drop and days become shorter, grayer, and wetter. It's time for seasonal depression, and all sorts of sad thoughts seem to fall into the right environmental space. Seasonal plants come to their end and nature is closing down. Many people have a hard time accepting and embracing this natural time of endings. How do you feel about autumn?

Before you head to grab antidepressants, let’s explore some ways to relieve sadness, maybe embrace it, and get your life back on track—no matter what season you’re reading this article in.

In this article, I will introduce to you the nature of sadness, the situations it usually turns up in, and its inherent capacity. Second, I will discuss different ways to relieve sadness, as well as complications that occur if it doesn't get relieved for a while.

Here it comes: sadness is invited

Did you watch my reel on Instagram, "Embrace the Tears"? If not, please check it out because it shows the most typical situation that evokes sadness: something beloved comes to an end. In this case, it's the Big Bang Theory. Everyone is crying.

Each of our emotions has a job, and the job of sadness is to let us know that something is ending, that something is gone. Honestly, it's very important to be informed when your environment changes in this way. There's no use waiting at the bus stop when the bus no longer stops there. You'd rather figure out another way to travel. So, that's what sadness is telling you: something has changed, or something or someone meaningful is missing. Please be aware. You need to reorient your life.

Maybe that sounds very practical, but I want to help you find sadness in case it's hard to recognize. Many people have learned, for various reasons, to avoid experiencing sadness. It could be because it takes energy to be processed or because it's socially inappropriate, especially for men, to be seen as vulnerable and sad. So, many men were raised (implicitly or explicitly) according to the saying "Boys don't cry" and Sheldon Cooper's father even added the threat "Or I'll give you something to cry about".

I guess you understand that under such circumstances, pretty young children figure out a way to prevent themselves from crying. One of the most common ways is to stop experiencing pain and sadness in general. How do you do that? Well, you keep distracting or numbing yourself. There are widely accepted ways to do so: occupy yourself with studying, later working, distracting yourself with (social) media, gaming, or substances like food, alcohol, or drugs.

But, hey, there are healthy and effective ways to handle sadness, too. Not everyone may have been taught them at an early age.

What is the best way to deal with sadness?

There are many different ways to relieve sadness from the outside, but there's just one underlying principle, so I'll go with that: imagine your sadness and look after it. It's as simple as that—and as challenging as looking after a child. Maybe you remember Disney Pixar's "Inside Out" once again.

I love to refer to it because it's such a relatable way to imagine emotions. I don't expect that your sadness looks exactly like the blue girl in the movie, but what matters is that it’s some kind of littlun you can refer to and ideally communicate with.

Some of my clients told me that their sadness wouldn't communicate with them. Either it's just around and too exhausted to talk, or it's been neglected for ages and therefore became stunted. Unfortunately, that can happen after a lifetime of avoiding sadness.

And yet, you can start at any given moment to take care of it. Maybe in the beginning, you just notice and observe what sadness feels like. By the time and with your patient awareness, it may start trusting you more, and you can start communicating more openly.

Here are some hints about what it may be like (and those are the tips you can find everywhere about dealing with sadness):

●     Listening to sad music

●     Quiet time

●     Journaling (and connecting with your sadness in writing)

●     Watching sunsets (like the Little Prince)

●     Sitting by the sea or any water

●     Go into nature

●     Connect with pets

●     Draw or paint

●     ... and just anything your inner sad person comes up with.

There's no right or wrong, and what's helpful for one person might be useless for another. So, please be patient and take your time to find your way.

Besides, emotions have the habit of rising and lessening, just like waves. So, when you have a larger situation to deal with and therefore a good load of sadness, please don't expect to be able to relieve it all at once. That would cause unnecessary pressure and stress. Consider that grieving a person's death "officially" takes up to a year, and even smaller losses take their time. Therefore, trust the process and your inner wisdom. It doesn't mean you'll be sad all day, every day. Yet, it does mean that you might have to go through many waves and take your time to look after your sadness.

Cry or not to cry? That is the question.

As much as sadness is a natural emotion, crying is a natural reaction. In general, it's okay to let tears out; yet, in my private practice, many clients are hesitant to cry, fearing the vulnerability it brings. However, expressing sadness is an essential part of our emotional well-being. Crying not only provides a release for pent-up emotions but also has remarkable physiological benefits. It triggers the release of oxytocin and endogenous opioids, reducing stress while lowering cortisol levels. Additionally, as you shed tears, you inhale fresh air, instantly lifting your spirits.

What's more, crying serves as an unspoken signal to others that we need support and connection. So, resisting the urge to cry when it surfaces requires some coping mechanisms. So, maybe you want to give it a try. You'll likely find relief and healing in letting your emotions flow naturally. Additionally, it simplifies communication and makes it more efficient. It's okay to feel, and you're not alone on your way.

A word about grief

For most individuals as well as cultures, it is evident that there's a process to grieving the loss of a person. I'm not a bereavement counselor, but many traditions and places help us process loss.

It gets trickier the less obvious it is that you're grieving. Back in The Big Bang Theory, we learn from Leonard's mother that Amy and Sheldon are grieving the loss of their theory. And there are less well-known situations that involve loss:

●     End of a relationship—even if it wasn’t great and your choice

●     End of your education, or a special project

●     End of work (retirement) or a specific workplace

●     End of a friendship

●     End of a dream (e.g., choosing a corporate career means giving up the dream of becoming a professional athlete)

●     Moving to a new place

●     End of further partner opportunities (when getting married)

●     End of having a little child (with every transition they take, e.g., leaving for college)

●     End of a decade in life

Was it obvious to you that grieving was an inevitable part of all of those situations? Unfortunately, in our culture, grieving and celebrating transitions have gone out of fashion. So, it's up to the individual to be aware of their transitions in private. And if you grew up in a family where endings and transitions were ignored, it can be hard to take your time to clear your space later on. Instead, some people keep living in an emotionally untidy space to avoid experiencing sadness and grief. But that's what grief tells you: it's time to tidy up the old situation so that you are well-prepared for whatever is coming up next.

Some situations are harder to grieve

Unfortunately, it's not always straightforward and smooth to handle emotions. There are some special combinations of feelings that can make it hard to go through grieving. You may know that grieving involves more emotions than just sadness. In some situations, sadness is the dominant emotion, and those are usually easier to handle because you "just" have to take care of one inner part at a time.

In real life, there are conflicting situations that involve sadness as well as anger, fear, or shame.

Maybe you have been cheated on before a relationship ended, or you felt let down by a mentor. People may not have passed away naturally, or your relationship may have been really difficult. In such cases, the emotional turmoil may feel like heartbreak. When more intense emotions are involved at once, it's a more complex process that might greatly benefit from some help with the entanglement. So, even sadness alone can be challenging, especially when it's buried beneath anger or frustration. Before the whole situation starts feeling overwhelming or hopeless, please reach out for help. It may appear unbelievable how fast not only the emotional experience but also the overall outlook on the situation in crisis can change through therapy.

Handling sadness is doable

In this blog, I have laid out how to deal with sadness by helping you connect with this emotion. In closing, remember that embracing sadness is a powerful step towards emotional wellness. As you allow yourself to experience and express your emotions, you open the door to healing and growth. If you ever find yourself struggling to cope with sadness or any other emotion, please know that you're not alone. Seeking support and guidance, whether through therapy or talking to a friend, is a courageous act that can lead to profound transformation and better relationships.

If you're ready to explore the benefits of therapy and embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing, don't hesitate to reach out. You are deserving of a fulfilled life experience, and I'm here to support you every step of the way. Contact me to schedule an initial session, and let's start your path toward a brighter future.