Blog Post
5 reasons why counselling with me is NOT right for you
Silvia Bauer • 15 January 2023
You may have read my blog about the initial session
and you are still uncertain whether counselling with me is the right choice for you. We're all busy people and counselling is an investment in time and money.
Me too I don't want to work with people who are not going to see the benefit of counselling or are just not the right fit for counselling with me.
Here are 5 good reasons why counselling with me might not be the right choice for you:
BUT please do not confuse the question about your want and wish with your belief or trust in your ability to change. It is absolutely NOT required that you believe in yourself neither in your ability to change. It is neither helpful nor necessary that you have "worked it all out".
I wrote another Blog about how many sessions it may take
- but for sure: Psychotherapy does take some time and money.
Obviously, that's at least 65€ on a weekly basis. But as time is money it's actually a lot bigger investment:
It's at least one session a week - plus the time you spend on the way. Many times, you do spend more time with yourself thinking and integrating the experiences and discoveries from the sessions.
Then there is this little nagging question that gets louder by the time "how do you really feel?". Some clients hear or feel it strongly on the way to the session. Not always the most comfortable place to be in, when you realize how you're really feeling. Nevertheless, it's a great place to start caring about your own needs.
Additionally, you may want to start doing some own personal work - that can be practicing mindfulness techniques, searching for a suitable way to symbolize new experiences / inner parts or getting the long-needed doctors/ physical therapy appointments. I outlined this in my Blog "how many sessions do I need?"
The person centered approach suggests People are not pathology. The person can recover by being listened to unconditionally and thus understanding themselves deeply. So there's practically no structure or anything like weekly goals for the session - although most clients do have long term goals they want to work on. But the session is usually more like a movie about your life (past and present) and we are trying to understand it on a deeper level. Usually we are guided by emotional or physical discomfort, and many times behaviour you are questioning or that's leading you into troubles.
Human "being" goes far beyond existing. Finding value in experience and seeing their meanings is what really makes us who we are.
The person centered relationship is not like the relationship of friend to friend.
It follows six main guidelines that enable the opportunity for personal growths:
- the client and counsellor are in contact
- the client is anxious or inconvenient in some way
- the therapist is genuinely aware of their feelings
- the therapist feels unconditional regard towards the client
- the therapist understands the client fully
- the client feels that the therapist understands and accepts them fully
I do provide Email support in case anything came up to you in between sessions. Especially at the beginning questions may come up you need clarification on. That's not an issue. But I don't provide counselling via writing without personal sessions.
We naturally have a gut feeling with whom we can connect best.
Rogers says "every person is an island in itself, in very real sense, and can only build bridges to other islands, if you actually want to be yourself and are willing to allow yourself".
I am NOT suitable for you:
- if you are looking for someone who can solve your problems for you
- if you are looking for the cheapest version of counselling
- if you don't want to invest time on a regular basis (at least one hour per week) in emotional work
- if you don't care about inner experiences and relationship processes, you just want tools
I am suitable for you if
- you see relationships as a way to develop and grow personally
- you understand that there's no quick-fix but lasting results take their time
- you see your personal and emotional development as an investment in your relationships and life-long fulfillment
Me too I don't want to work with people who are not going to see the benefit of counselling or are just not the right fit for counselling with me.
Here are 5 good reasons why counselling with me might not be the right choice for you:
- Do you want to change?
BUT please do not confuse the question about your want and wish with your belief or trust in your ability to change. It is absolutely NOT required that you believe in yourself neither in your ability to change. It is neither helpful nor necessary that you have "worked it all out".
I know that sounds unlikely but it's really one of the big challenges "to let go" of control, fixed ideas, unrealistic goals and unnecessary limitations. So, when you want to change but just can't imagine how on earth that could be possible - you are exactly in the right place.
- Do you want to invest time and money in psychotherapy?
Obviously, that's at least 65€ on a weekly basis. But as time is money it's actually a lot bigger investment:
It's at least one session a week - plus the time you spend on the way. Many times, you do spend more time with yourself thinking and integrating the experiences and discoveries from the sessions.
Then there is this little nagging question that gets louder by the time "how do you really feel?". Some clients hear or feel it strongly on the way to the session. Not always the most comfortable place to be in, when you realize how you're really feeling. Nevertheless, it's a great place to start caring about your own needs.
Additionally, you may want to start doing some own personal work - that can be practicing mindfulness techniques, searching for a suitable way to symbolize new experiences / inner parts or getting the long-needed doctors/ physical therapy appointments. I outlined this in my Blog "how many sessions do I need?"
Personal development and growth are really hard and takes some time - just like the caterpillar who grows in their cocoon before they can turn into a butterfly.
- Do you want to explore your emotions, experiences and behavior
The person centered approach suggests People are not pathology. The person can recover by being listened to unconditionally and thus understanding themselves deeply. So there's practically no structure or anything like weekly goals for the session - although most clients do have long term goals they want to work on. But the session is usually more like a movie about your life (past and present) and we are trying to understand it on a deeper level. Usually we are guided by emotional or physical discomfort, and many times behaviour you are questioning or that's leading you into troubles.
Human "being" goes far beyond existing. Finding value in experience and seeing their meanings is what really makes us who we are.
The person centered relationship is not like the relationship of friend to friend.
It follows six main guidelines that enable the opportunity for personal growths:
- the client and counsellor are in contact
- the client is anxious or inconvenient in some way
- the therapist is genuinely aware of their feelings
- the therapist feels unconditional regard towards the client
- the therapist understands the client fully
- the client feels that the therapist understands and accepts them fully
Rogers states "one of the commonest problems in psychotherapy, is the client's insistence that the counselor take over his (their) problem. Responsibility is most helpfully left with the client." So if you're looking to get solutions for your problems from me - that will not happen. I am rather joining you to discover and elaborate them.
- Do you want to sit face-to-face with a counsellor?
I do provide Email support in case anything came up to you in between sessions. Especially at the beginning questions may come up you need clarification on. That's not an issue. But I don't provide counselling via writing without personal sessions.
- Do you want to work with a female counsellor my age?
We naturally have a gut feeling with whom we can connect best.
Rogers says "every person is an island in itself, in very real sense, and can only build bridges to other islands, if you actually want to be yourself and are willing to allow yourself".
We’ve looked at 5 reasons why counselling with me may not be the right fit for you.
- if you are looking for someone who can solve your problems for you
- if you are looking for the cheapest version of counselling
- if you don't want to invest time on a regular basis (at least one hour per week) in emotional work
- if you don't care about inner experiences and relationship processes, you just want tools
I am suitable for you if
- you see relationships as a way to develop and grow personally
- you understand that there's no quick-fix but lasting results take their time
- you see your personal and emotional development as an investment in your relationships and life-long fulfillment
So now you may have a better understanding of your needs and whether counselling with me is a good fit for you – or have more clarification on what you are looking for.
If it seems right for you, please contact me.
If you're not sure about one or the other point, please reach out for clarification.
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